Restoring Hope and Intimacy in a God-Honoring Marriage

Opening Illustration: A wise old pastor once said, "Marriage is like a garden. It requires constant tending. Neglect it, and weeds of resentment and isolation will grow. Nurture it, and you'll harvest love and joy forever."

After 45 years of Marriage, this couple has endured much together, yet they find themselves in a desert of intimacy. For 20 years, physical affection has been absent, and while both love Jesus, their perspectives on Marriage diverge. One spouse views it as a burden of too much "worse," while the other clings to the vow to let nothing separate their union. What does the Lord call them to do?

Scripture Foundation:

1. God's Design for Marriage

   • Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

     
     

     God designed Marriage as a union of complete spiritual, emotional, and physical intimacy. The "one flesh" signifies physical connection and unity in every dimension of life.

     
     

2. The Power of Commitment

   • Ecclesiastes 4:12: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

     
     

     With Christ as the third strand, this Marriage can endure and be restored despite years of challenges.

     
     

3. Restoration through Love and Sacrifice

   • Ephesians 5:25-28: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."

     
     

     Sacrificial love mirrors Christ's example and is the key to healing wounds in a marriage.

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Encouragement to the Spouses:

1. To the Spouse Viewing Marriage as "Too Much Worse":

   • Reflect on 1 Corinthians 13:7, which says love "bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." Your struggles are not unseen by God. Acknowledge your pain and fatigue before the Lord, and ask Him to renew your strength (Isaiah 40:31).

   • Remember, Marriage is a ministry. By serving your spouse with grace and forgiveness, you reflect God's unconditional love (Colossians 3:13).

     
     

2. To the Spouse Clinging to the Vows:

   • Your commitment is honorable and reflects Christ's steadfast love for the church. Yet love is more than endurance; it is proactive. Ask God for wisdom on lovingly engaging your spouse's heart (James 1:5).

   • Pray for opportunities to rekindle connection. Remember, Galatians 6:9 encourages us: "Let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap if we do not give up."

     
     

Practical Steps for Both:

1. Seek Counseling Together:

   • Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." Find a trusted Christian counselor who can guide you both toward understanding and healing.

2. Rediscover Your "Why":

   • Reflect on why you fell in love and what brought you together. Revisit your shared history and let it remind you of God's faithfulness in the past.

3. Commit to Daily Acts of Kindness:

   • Romans 12:10: "Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves." Simple gestures like a note, a meal prepared with love, or even a compliment can begin to soften hardened hearts.

4. Pray Together and for Each Other:

   • Matthew 18:20 reminds us that where two or more gather in Christ's name, He is with them. Start praying together daily, even if it's awkward at first. Ask God to mend what is broken and make it new.

5. Rebuild Physical Affection Slowly:

   • Begin with small steps: holding hands during prayer, a gentle hug, or sitting closer together. Physical touch is a gift from God and a vital part of marital intimacy (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

     
     

Hope for the Future:

Rebuilding a marriage after years of pain and separation is not easy, but with God, all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). Remember the promise of Joel 2:25: "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten." God can bring beauty from ashes and renew what feels lost.

Closing Illustration: A couple once came to a counselor, their Marriage on the brink of collapse. When asked to describe one thing they appreciated about each other, their hearts began to soften. Over time, their love was rekindled as they practiced gratitude, prayer, and small acts of kindness. The God who worked in their lives can do the same for you.

Invitation to Pray: Heavenly Father, You are the God of restoration and healing. We lift this couple to You, asking for renewed hope, intimacy, and love in their Marriage. Teach them to love as You have loved and to honor their covenant as a reflection of Your eternal commitment to us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Challenge: As you leave here today, choose one act of love you will commit to for your spouse this week. Trust that God works behind the scenes, even when progress seems slow.