Building A Solid Foundation For Marriage, Before Marriage.
- Terry W. Bailey
- Mar 7
- 4 min read
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING: ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE SAYING 'I DO.' ----- By Pastor Terry
Marriage is one of God's greatest blessings, but it requires intentional preparation. After years of counseling couples, I've learned that unresolved questions before marriage can lead to divorce if not addressed. Love by itself is not enough—marriage demands commitment, understanding, and Spiritual unity.
Before exchanging "I do," ensure you sincerely address these vital questions. They will help you build a solid, lasting marriage based on faith, love, and mutual respect.
BIBLICAL MARRIAGE ROLES: HUSBAND & WIFE
Many misunderstand Ephesians 5:22-33, where the Bible states:
Wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22)
Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)
This is not about dominance or control but divine order, love, and sacrificial leadership.
WIVES: SUBMISSION DOES NOT MEAN INFERIORITY
The word submission has been twisted in modern culture, but in Scripture, it reflects a willing heart to trust God's design for marriage.
Submission is NOT oppression. It is respect and honor for the husband's role as the Spiritual leader. (1 Peter 3:1-6)
Submission does NOT mean a wife loses her voice. Proverbs 31 describes a strong, wise, and capable wife who manages her home excellently.
Submission is about unity, not slavery. A wife willingly follows a godly husband who leads in love and humility.
Example: Sarah and Abraham (1 Peter 3:5-6) – Sarah trusted Abraham’s leadership, even when the path was unclear, because her ultimate trust was in God, not in Abraham’s perfection.
HUSBANDS: LOVE YOUR WIFE LIKE CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH
The command to love your wife as Christ loves the Church is even heavier than submission.
Christ DIED for the Church. A husband's love must be sacrificial, patient, and unwavering.
Love means serving, not controlling. Jesus led by humility and service, not by force or fear. (John 13:12-17)
A godly husband cherishes his wife, values her opinion, and seeks her well-being above himself.
Example: Hosea’s unconditional love for Gomer (Hosea 3) reflects how a husband should love his wife—even when she fails.
💡 Application: If a husband truly loves his wife as Christ loves the Church, submission is not an issue. The wife trusts him because she sees godly love, wisdom, and leadership, not selfishness.
ESSENTIAL QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE MARRIAGE
SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION
Are we both committed to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Do we share the same beliefs about God, Salvation, and the Bible?
Will we pray, study Scripture, and attend Church together?
How will we raise our children spiritually?
Case Study:
Tom and Emily both identified as Christians, but Emily had a deep commitment to church, while Tom only attended occasionally. After marriage, this created tension as Emily wanted their children to be deeply involved in faith, while Tom was indifferent. Pre-marital counseling could have helped them set clear expectations before the wedding.
COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Can we talk openly about our thoughts, feelings, and struggles?
How do we handle disagreements? (Ephesians 4:26)
Are we willing to seek wise, biblical counsel when needed?
Case Study:
Mark and Lisa had different communication styles. Mark avoided confrontation, while Lisa needed immediate resolution. After getting married, unresolved conflicts led to resentment. Counseling before marriage helped them establish conflict-resolution strategies that strengthened their relationship.
FINANCES & STEWARDSHIP
Are we in agreement on budgeting, saving, and spending?
Do we have hidden debt, financial burdens, or poor spending habits?
Will we tithe and give generously as a couple? (Malachi 3:10)
Case Study:
Rebecca had $30,000 in student loans that she hid from David before their wedding. When it came out, it caused significant distrust. Pre-marital counseling could have addressed financial transparency earlier.
FAMILY & CHILDREN
Do we both want children and how many?
How will we discipline and train our children? (Proverbs 22:6)
What role will in-laws and extended family play in our marriage?
Case Study:
Jacob and Hannah discovered they had vastly different views on parenting. He believed in strict discipline, while she leaned toward gentle parenting. Counseling helped them find a Biblical balance.
ROLES & RESPONSIBILITIES
Do we have Biblical views on the roles of husband and wife? (Ephesians 5:22-33)
What are our expectations for work, home responsibilities, and career goals?
Case Study:
James expected his wife to handle all household duties, while Rachel worked full-time. Misaligned expectations led to resentment until they openly discussed and adjusted their roles.
INTIMACY & EXPECTATIONS
Have we discussed expectations for physical intimacy in marriage?
Are there past wounds, betrayals, or struggles that could affect our intimacy?
Case Study:
Paul and Jenny struggled with past hurts from previous relationships. By discussing their fears before marriage, they built trust and healthy expectations.
PERSONAL HABITS & LIFESTYLE
Are there any hidden addictions or habits (pornography, alcohol, drugs, gambling) that could harm our marriage?
How will we handle stress and life's difficulties as a team?
Case Study:
Chris hid his gambling addiction from Emily. Once married, she discovered it, leading to major trust issues. Pre-marital honesty could have prevented heartache.
These case studies reinforce the importance of discussing these topics before marriage. Addressing them early can prevent future heartbreak and ensure a strong, Christ-centered marriage. May the Lord bless and guide you as you seek to build a marriage that honors Him!
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Thank You, and God Bless
Pastor Terry
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